Dougtionary

dātĭng prē-nŭp

noun

An agreement signed before two people start dating or in the early stages of dating, to ensure that if they split up, one does not lose the friends they had when the relationship started.

There’s nothing worse than having friends that continue to hang out with your ex-girlfriend/ex-boyfriend.

pēlězh’ər

verb

Urinating in your free time. (If done right, it can be relaxing!)

nād-mĭn’ĭ-strā’shən

noun

An executive branch with huge balls and no brains. (Fortunately they are leaving on “Liberation Day”, Jan 20, 2009.)

kāsh’kĭt

noun

A figurative place where the wealth of the United States citizens was buried in 2008.

rěz’ə-lōō’shən fyōō-tĭl’ĭ-tē

noun

A religion, doctrine or belief that resolutions never last long enough to be worth the effort.

prē’mə-tyŏŏr’ kount’doun’

noun

An attempt to get a crowd to start shouting numbers from ten to one, long before midnight on New Year’s Eve. Often a test of the drunk level of New Year’s partiers.

mī fās

noun

A mixup of social networking sites, confusing Facebook with Myspace and referring to the wrong site.

bûr’nĭshĭngs

noun

Furniture that has been torched with fire.

nōō yîrz ēv ēv ēv ēv

noun

December 28.

fə-nān’shəl hāng’ō’vər

noun

The Visa bill one receives several weeks after Christmas.

The Visa bill one receives after an uncontrolled spending spree.

rěl’ə-tĭv hěd’āk’

noun

A head pain caused from spending too much time with family over the holidays, which is often much worse or intense compared to a normal head pain. Double up on the Advil for this type.

āl’kə-hŏl’ĭ-dā’

noun

Any designated day (either official or fabricated) that serves as an excuse to drink.

fôr’slā

noun

The activity Mrs. Claus does with Santa on Christmas Eve as he prepares to deliver toys to the children of the world.

gōst ŭv krĭs’məs pāstout

noun

From the Charles Dickens classic, A Christmas Carol. A series of ghosts appear to Ebenezer Scrooge to get him to repent. The Ghost of Christmas Past-out is the only ghost that does not appear, because he drank too much and was unconscious.

ān’tī-dŭk’tĭv

adjective

Resulting in or producing nothing of any value.

bās’tə-roid’

noun

One who is offensive or unnecessarily difficult and a pain in the ass.

A combination of bastard and hemorrhoid.

ām’ə-tûr’fīl’ĭng

verb

Building a picture or detailed description of the kind of person that might have committed a crime, when handled by an untrained or neophyte investigator.

gāt’wā’ shōō

noun

The first piece of footwear one throws at a politician or other public figure. Typically a canvas or athletic shoe that leads to further escalation to wing tips, stiletto heels, and eventually spirals to the most dangerous and unpredictable, a heavy duty steel-toe work boot.

If you encounter the Dutch, do not engage, especially if they have an ample supply of wooden shoes.

For a little shoe throwing fun: http://sockandawe.com/

ĭn-fāk’tĭ-sīd’

noun

The act of killing a truth or one who kills truth. Often practiced by corrupt politicians, police and military.

fī’tə-mĭn

noun

Alcohol or drugs, or a combination of alcohol and drugs that cause one to pick fights with friends, enemies, total strangers, or inanimate objects.

A quantity of alcohol or drugs causes one to pick fights with friends, enemies, total strangers, or inanimate objects.

“The seventh shot of Jagermeister is Mikes fightamin. Believe me, you don’t want to be around Mike when he has just taken his fightamins.”

kāsh-ās’trə-fē

noun

A large financial failure or meltdown, either personal, corporate or government.

ām-snē’zhə

noun

Loss of memory due to an unusually large, traumatic and uncontrollable bout of forcefully expelling air from the mouth and nose.

Loss of memory that results in forgetting to wipe one’s nose and/or upper lip of mucus.

tĭngkt’

adjective

Alive, in existence, current or active.

The opposite of extinct.

sāvĭng sprē

noun

A brief period of extravagant saving, staying at home and doing nothing. Often followed by an even bigger spending spree than normal, continuing the cycle of excess and lack of control.

trī-pō’lər

adjective

Relating to a major disorder that is characterized by mood or personality changes that swing wildly in three different directions.

50% worse than bipolar.

īs-pik trāf’ĭk

noun

A traffic jam that is so unbearable that ramming oneself in the eye or head with a sharp object seems like a more desirable option.

shōl’dərbākt

noun

A situation at a party, social event or other type of gathering in which the people surrounding you turn away, leaving only a view of shoulders and backs.

ām’ə-chûr’-fān’ĭ-tē

noun

Soft language, often used to vent frustration or anger, such as drat, dang, gosh-nabbit, and fiddlesticks.

Butters’ favorite expression when he gets into trouble, “Aww hamburgers.”

ô’tō-bī-ŏg’rə-fē

noun

A history of a person’s life using longhand or a Gutenberg Press, rather than using technology like a typewriter or a computer and printer.

rĭ-grět’rō-fĭt ‘ĭng

verb

To feign regret for something that one honestly does not regret.

Often used by politicians who fake regret because the public and/or their constituents expect them to if they want to be reelected.